Making Amends
by debbiehirsch313
Summary: "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. " A quote that Quinn now strives to achieve in life. She couldn't help that the only person she ever truly loved had a affair, but she could control what that did to her and, their future, whether that be together or apart.
1. Chapter 1

Her last words to you still blaze through your mind even following the Bordeaux kicking into your bloodstream ,the words still ring in your ears. You were on a date with someone new, the foremost person you actually saw an even a practicable future with since she came in your life and took over the last seven years of your life. She was melodic,bubbly,and trusting about things, the exact opposite of what you've been married to. You remember finally getting the chance to let loose and enjoy yourself, just dancing letting your mind and body move freely for once, alongside someone you desired and who might actually desire you too. But reality came back in a crash when your hazel eyes met bottomless penetrating chocolate ones. She looks likes she longs to say something but, at the same time just doesn't have words for you. She just glares at you accepting your gaze, it happens like it always whenever you look at each other enraged or optimistic, in love or at war, everyone else withers elsewhere, you're the only two left in the world. She breaks it though, making a cunning get away to the nearest door.  
You know you should let her go, you know you should stay with your date, you know nothing beneficial could come of this, but effortlessly without bother to even think you follow her. She's barely in form when you get to the exit. you call out her name over and over. You run to catch her breaking your latest pair of Jimmy Choo's just to kick them off and leave them behind. You're out of breath by the time you catch her. Her mascara is down her face, eyes are puffy, and skin is blotchy. The physical spectacle of how a broken heart manifest into a person. You simply ask "Why?" She looks at you with uncertainty, disappoint,anxiety,and abandonment all at once in those charcoal colored eyes."You know why." is all she gives you in return you're not shocked by her response because, she was never candid about these kind of things for as long as you can remember. But, you know what she means, she means love, that there is love lying between the two of you, its like an invisible rubber band pulling us together. She means, She is still in love with you, and she hopes you still feel the same deep down. "You have no fucking right! No fucking right Santana! I'm not yours anymore. You can't come and go in my life as you please. Stop fucking my life !" You let out somewhere between tears and screams. She looks at you unsure of what her next move should be"I'm still yours though Quinn."And, deep down you know your still her's but for the first time you comprehend that needs to change if anything in your life will ever change including you. It's a lot, maybe not from anyone else but from Santana it's a hell of a lot, she giving you everything she has left to give you, she's putting all her cards on the table, she finally being hundred percent open with you. But, it's not enough, it'll never be enough. Love can fix a lot of things in this screwed up world, but this maybe the one in million it just can't. Love can't fix the affair she had with your best friend, while you when to work at a job you loathed with a burning passion to provide for her and your couldn't fix the look in your two little girls eyes as you packed a bag and moved into the hotel room you've been calling home ever since. Love couldn't fix the shattered picture frames, the burned love letters, and the decayed heart you haul around with you. She peering back at you pleading for any words to course from your lips,you crave you could give her what she needs,but you can't give her anything anymore, she's already took it all. You turn around and leaving her humbled where she stands, returning to your date,returning to your future. You vowed to change, you vowed that would be the last time you chase after her, you vowed to move one. And, for the first time you actually have some faith you can do just that.


	2. Chapter 2

**Quinn's POV**

You do precisely what you set out to do. You went back to your date who was surprisingly forgiving about the whole thing. It went pretty well nothing major yet but

you're looking forward to what will happen next with it. The last week since that fateful night had been infused with meeting deadlines and immeasurable piles of

paperwork. But, today was Friday and that meant you got to spend the weekend with the foremost part of your life...your daughters. You cannot believe how much you

miss them, it's just not the same tucking them in every night before bed over the phone. As much as you wanted to be the one to pick the girls up, that meant a rather

uncomfortable meeting with Santana you just didn't think that would help matters. So, you opt to have your friend Bette pick them up. Bette has been one of your best

friends since moving to New York after graduating from Yale to be closer to Santana. You met at work over the water cooler typical enough.

**Santana's POV**

You take a deep breath. It's that same time, every week 5:15 every Friday. You place your head in your lap and try to figure out how you got here in the first place. You

fix your messy bun in the mirror because you look like shit to be frank. As the doorbell rings, you put on your poker face on like always and build yours walls back up.

You take one final moment to collect yourself before opening the door it's not what you expect, to be clearer it's not who you expect. Its a woman not just a women but

a dazzling ,mature, refined ,woman. She's dressed in designer clothes from Prada to Chanel from head to toes. You cannot help but compare yourself to her in your

stained Cheerio sweatpants you've had for years. "Quinn, sent me to pick up the girls, She's working late tonight." She informs you. You look her up and down again

before giving her an almost inaudible "Okay." You pick up Emily your youngest the name a reference to the name Emily Stark from Quinn's fake idea the night your

world was turn upside down. She two now, and looks like a tiny version of you, but with piercing hazel eyes. You sling their bags over your shoulder. You help the

woman set up the car seat in her Mercedes "Of course" you think to yourself. Emily clings to your shirt, not wanting to let you go, knowing what coming next is forty

eight hours free of you. You simply pull away kissing her tiny hands as you do so. Tears threatens in her eyes but you whip them away with your thumbs. You kiss her

forehead and whisper and I love in her ears before shutting the door. Your oldest girl comes out carrying almost her entire bedroom. Sophie is six and is basically a

Rachel Berry in the making. She's like you removed to feelings, she won't tell you but you know this is incredible hard for her. She put her stuff in the trunk before

running over to the classy lady "Bette!" She rushed the woman before straddling her arms around the woman waist. "Hey pretty girl. I've missed you. "Bette informs

your daughter. You think to yourself that she must be apart of their lives, and Quinn's life. And, by the looks of it a pretty sizable part. Sophie doesn't bother to hug you

or even get a goodbye. You don't blame her you know she blames you for all this and rightfully so. You don't bother to make eye contact with the woman before saying

"Sophie has a basketball game at 10, her inhaler is in the front pocket of her backpack if she needs it. Oh, and if you can remind Quinn not to give Em her Pacifier I'm

trying to wean her off." She nods to you and gets in her luxury car before driving off with your whole world in suit. Nothing was the same anymore, You fucked up

everything for them and I wish I could just go back. Emily's bedtime isn't the same she misses Quinn dancing around the room every night singing silly songs to

her. Sophie misses you playing Mario kart with her, and the cursing you do when you hit a banana peel. As much as I try I don't sing the right songs, and I'm appalling

at Mario kart. It's the little things they miss. And I do too. So now we do this every weekend.

**Quinn's POV**

Then you get home you're ambushed with hugs and kisses and I missed you mommy."Okay guys I thought Pizza and….ICE CREAM for dinner what do you think?" In

unison they yell happily "YESS!" You giggle at them; its irrational how much you can missed someone. You get movies so you can enjoy a movie night together. You,

guys watch a movie together mom normally won't let them watch but you cannot say no. The girls slobber down the pizza and pints of ice cream, gelato for You because

of your lactose and tolerant. You and Sophie kick your ass in Mario kart for the next hour till you can barely keep your eyes open. You tuck Sophie in and kiss her cheek,

You spend the next hour fighting with Emmy to sleep minus the pacifier but she keeps lecturing "I wants my Pacie, and I wants on it now." I give in before she goes all

Lima heights like she threatens too. For a two year old she's a spitting image of Santana and you feel uneasy about that. You let her sleep in bed with you because she

misses you and you fall asleep with her clinging to waist, pacifier in tow. You hear the door creak open its Sophie, she just gives this look and you gesture for her to join

you. She forms into your side, you play with her raven colored hair that murmurs her mothers. You whip the tear from her cheeks she must have been crying, You kiss

her head and fall back asleep. In the morning you rushed to get ready and get them breakfast. The day was filled going place to place from Sophie's basketball game,

and Emmy's mommy and me class, which was a disaster, now you have to tell Santana you aren't welcomed back their for your "outburst", what does the bitch expects

when she talks about how it's "Mommy and me" not "mommy Miami and me. The girls were exhausted so you decided we all would just go home and relax for the rest

of the night. "I'm making grilled cheese is that cool with you guys?" they nod in accordance. In the kitchen you hear their giggles at the television as SpongeBob plays.

"Okay guys dinner's served." They take their plates into the living room so they can watch TV, normally Santana wanted you to eat all together as a family at the dining

room table, but you feel like it wouldn't hurt. "What are we watching?" Emmy chimes in "SpongeBob mami. He's so silly." "Ha-ha I'm sure he is baby." you tell her .You

notice Sophie isn't eating her dinner and she just pushes the plate away." Sweetie eat your dinner please." She tells you "No." "What do you mean no?" you asked now

getting more irritated. "It's all wrong. You cut the crust off the sides, that's not how mami makes it. That is the only way I like it. Is mami's way." She tells you again.

"Well I'm sorry it's not the way you are used to, but you need to eat it anyway, I promise next time I'll make it right." you try to negotiate. "No, I don't want it. Make

me something else." She insists. "I don't think so, you either eat what I make or you go to bed now minus any at all." You offer her. "Fine!" she says before she leaves

and slams the door behind her. "Wow, moody." Emmy states as she giggles at you. "You're telling me." Is all you respond finish dinner and bathe time and

Sophie remains in her room. You put a movie in and decide to go check on her. She's lying on her bed with her head facing the wall playing with the tassels on his

pillow. "Hey girly." you say to her. "Hi" is all she manages and turns away from you. "This isn't about the sandwich is it?" you try to get at. "No, not really I guess." She

states. You play with her long locks as she speaks. "Okay so what is this all about then?" you ask her. "I don't want things to change; I like things the way they were.

Everything is different and I don't like it. It's like we aren't even a family anymore." She tells you between cries. "Sweetie, I know things are different now, but different

doesn't always have to be bad sometimes change is good. And, we will never stop being a family. Your mami and I are still love you and your sister very much." you try

to inform her. "Can I ask you a question Mommy?" She asks you. You tell her "Sure baby girl." "Do still love mami?" She asks you. "It's confounded , but yes I do still

love your mami, very much so." You had to genuine with her. "So why do you live here and she lives at home now, did she stop loving you, is that why this is

happening?" she asks you with tear threaten in her eyes now. "I can't answer to your mami on that, but all you need to know is that no matter what happens we are still

a family. Okay?" you say. "Okay" she says sadly." Okay?" You say as you tickle her, she begins to perk up and says "Okay. okay." "There's that twinkle I've been

missing." you say and kiss her head "I love you Sophie." "Love you too Mommy." Soon the girls were off to bed and tomorrow morning would be the last time you see

them for the next week. You close my eyes and seize your daughter closer to your side. You wake up to the sight of two hazel eyes staring into yours, you cannot help

think this is the last time you will see these for the next two weeks. you kiss her cheek. And pack up all their toys and backpacks, and eat you breakfast in the same

bittersweet way we have for the past six months. I pack them in the car, The girls bicker over how to spend the rest of their Sunday. I cannot help think about what she

did to wreck this family. Because, of her we do this every weekend.


	3. Chapter 3

You sit in this vacant apartment, in your now vacant life. the cigarettes and the claret has little effect on your temperament. The only sounds filling the air is the television in the background with some asinine reality television show on it, and the sound of the fishing tank filtering itself. You despised times like these when you were alone with your thoughts. Because, they either went to Quinn or the kids. But, now it was going to the woman. questions still ran galloping through your mind. Like, Who is this woman?, How do my children know her?, Why does Quinn feel she's qualified to pick up our girls?How could Quinn move on so facilely?, Erase about your love?, And. the life you've built together?. You cannot blame Quinn though, in reality this was your fault after all. You let yourself fail her, you let yourself cheat you out of everything you've worked so hard to fabricate. That night is and will remain the biggest misjudgment of your life.

FLASHBACK... "Quinn, I really want you to be there, this is a big deal for me. This is really important. And, I think you need to be here for us." You had just got back to singing at local events since the girls, and this was your first big one. Lately, things among you and Quinn have been more than distant. Sometimes she came to bed but more often than not she crashed on the couch after not getting home from work till 11. "San, I'm sorry but it's just not gonna happen tonight, I've got to meet with clients. I'm sorry. Next time though. I gotta go." She hangs up the phone, she hangs it before you could even tell her you love her, or for her to say it back. It broke your heart knowing she couldn't tell how much this meant to you, that her career was more important than you. You went anyway deciding not to let her bring you down. The girls where with their babysitter, and Brittany decided to go with you to your show mainly because she was the one pushing you to get back out there. You preformed songs you sang so long ago in Glee club Valarie and Songbirds. Brining back the memories that went with those songs. Mostly they just brought back Brittany. After graduation she got accepted at Juilliard for dance and moved to New York. After you both decide to stay at the bar and have a little celebration. A little fun leads to being a completely drunken messes, shot after shot. You are dancing with Brittany, more like grinding. You are both sweaty, breath huffing. This is the closest you've been to someone in a long time. She leans in a whispers in your ear ticking it in the process. "Should I take you home?" You don't know if it the alcohol or the emptiness that leads to what you respond with "No. Take me to your place." She looks at you baffled, but eager. You both clutching together, holding one another up before waving a taxi down and heading to her place. She takes your hand leading you up the stairs, unlocking the door and throwing your body on the bed. She kisses you up and down, before pulling away to look at you "Are you sure?" she asks you once more. And the nod you give her, is the nod that pillaged everything you had going for she puts her arms around your waist and kisses your temple before saying "I love you Santana." Before nodding off you say "I love you too Quinn." In the morning your head is pounding, and the room is spinning fiercely. The spot besides you on the bed is frigid and barren. Brittany must have been up for a while already. S You hear your phone buzzing in the purse you discarded last night. There is a couple of messages from the babysitter saying things like "Where are you?" "You're two hours late." "I better being paid double for this." And one from Quinn "If this is about me not being able to make it to your show. I'm sorry S. I promise to make up to you. I don't want what we've being doing to continue. I love you too much to just be your roommate. Please forgive me." Little did she know you where the one who needed forgiveness. You cried so much in that moment just cradling you knees and rocking back in forth. You stop when you notice a sticky note on the end table. It was from Brittany "I won't tell her. You love her not me. You even said her name last night. You can't help I'm the fool in love with a fool that's still in love with someone else. Left for dance tour in Europe I'll be back in three months. Yours forever, Brittany." Now you realized you haven't just broken one heart but many Brittany's,Quinn's,Yours, and your little girls.

END OF FLASH BACK... That night plays over and over in your head like a bad pop song. That night is what got you here. That night was the night you die, because you couldn't live with yourself after what you did.


	4. Chapter 4

**I just wanted to thank everyone for the reviews it means a lot. Just to clear things up no, Santana is not committing suicide. She's just stopped being who she was. She closed herself up even more, She's dealing with self hatred and depression. But, no she doesn't do that. I do not think it's true to her character because, even it the worst situations she's strong including this. Enjoy the story!**

The leaves are changing to that vivid cherry, the climate is turning crisp and cool. The view outside the window in the past was a meaning of inspiration and idealism, now it was just a means of evasion. You honestly do not even what you're escaping from... Work? Santana? A screaming toddler? A super feisty kid? Maybe, you're trying to just escape from all the above. Its bizarre how one moment your life can be right on track, and Boom! That train you called "your life" is flipped over in a ditch...on fire. Today was gonna be just that a train wreck...Couple's counseling. You thought to attend couples counseling you had to be an actually couple. But, nope you're here because you honestly couldn't say no to that delicate face, and those tiny tear falling from hazel eyes that reflect your own.

FLASHBACK...

You're lying on the couch watching some brainless little kid show which basically is a knock off of Dora, with Emily lounging on your chest. The phone rings and this isn't the first time either, you so badly don't wanna move knowing this cuddle time with your daughter was restricted. But, you slip out from under her and tell her to stay put. You look at the Caller I.D. knowing whatever was in store for you wasn't favorable. "_Wifey _you make a mental note to change that later. "What?" you say not wanting to give her a greeting because she doesn't merit one. "Quinn, why the fuck was some random chick showing up at my door, saying she was taking** MY** kids. What kind of mess up shit is that? I don't want one of your new fuck buddies being around **MY **kids." She clamors into the phone. "Fuck me? Fuck you! Stop calling the girls your kids Santana they're just as much yours as they are mine. And, I'm not fucking anyone here you are remember? She been my best friends for years. Good to see how much of a fucking interest you took in the people in my life." You say before you hang up aggravated by her allegation. When you turn around teary hazel eyes look up at you about to burst. "Mommy?" is all single word she can emit. You scoop her up and take her back to the couch swaying her softly against her chest her adhering to your shirt. "Baby, I told you to stay here. You should not have her that stuff." You try to inform her. "Are you and Mami getting a di. a di. Are you and Mami breaking up?" You knew she was trying to say Divorce the word being too much of a mouthful for her. You want to lie to guard her but, you know the right this to say the truth "I don't know, it complicated right now.". "Everybody breaks up sissy says, she says when parents breaks up they are mean to one another and don't love one another no mores. And they fight a lot and yell. She says they yell a lot...I think you and Mami is broken up." You know she means that was the phone call looked like was all of things she's been told, and that she was figuring out the puzzle herself. "Sweetie, I don't know. But I promise I will always love your mami." you tell her trying to give her some hope. "You promised me and Sissy something a long time ago. You said you would never give up on us. Remember?" She informs you. You remember it the day they got into Santana makeup and destroyed her Chanel lipsticks. And, you told them no matter what you would never give up hope on them. "Yes, I do."

"Well you cannot give up on Mami promised." You want to rebel but you know she has a point. This was bigger than you and Santana, this involved them and you owed it to them to fight, to give them the uppermost life possible and that meant two loving parents in a sturdy home together being a family." I intend to keep that promise missy." You give her a small smile and a wink, she smirks back at you.

END OF FLASH BACK...

So, now you found yourself flipping through an ancient pile of catalogs, in a drafty waiting room, across from the woman who single handily brought you to cloud nine and then decide to push you off face first. Soon, some looking character brings you into he's office. You see two chairs sitting directly next to each other. You take the chair farest over and slide it away to distance yourself from her. This is gonna be good you think to yourself

**Okay, I know super short! But, the next chapter will be long and I a lot will be clear up as well. The next chapter will include the therapy session and... remember that date Quinn went on... She's back too!**


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